(bright music) >> Narrator: Relationships, nothing affects us more.

Our early interactions with those closest to us, inform our emotional and physical wellbeing throughout our lives.

Being mindful of everyday opportunities to form strong, resilient attachments with our children, helps us feel more confident in our parenting role.

Welcome to Building Blocks.

Early Relational Health.

(bright music) >> Presenter: Legacy Foundation is Lake County's Community Foundation.

For over 30 years, we've partnered with donors and nonprofits, focusing on youth development, the arts, the environment, health literacy, and other causes that matter to you.

We're committed to Lake County forever.

First things First Porter County is dedicated to supporting families, healthy beginnings, and quality early learning, ensuring every Porter County baby is born prepared for a strong start in life.

Learn more at firstthingspc.org.

(upbeat music) >> I have a very strong connection to other students.

Everyone makes an effort to help each other.

I'll remember the feeling of being here, the feeling that I was a part of a family.

(upbeat music) >> Presenter: Routine visits with a pediatrician are vital to a child's development.

That's why at NorthShore Health Centers, pediatricians provide quality care to every child, every time, ensuring that your child is reaching their developmental milestones and are up to date on their vaccines.

Learn more at northshorehealth.org.

>> Presenter: Doing as much as you can, as quickly as you can is important to me.

Life is short, and the earlier we get started helping our community, the better off our community will be.

(bright music) >> Narrator: Additional support for Building Blocks is provided generously by Tom Sourlis and Sue Eleuterio.

As well as Porter County Community Foundation, serving Porter County since 1996.

Additional support for our local programming and Lakeshore Public Media is provided by viewers like you.

Thank you.

Dr. Mary Jane Eisenhower hosts candid conversation with local experts, practitioners, and policy makers.

Bringing focus to ways we can support our youngest citizens.

Find the "Building Blocks," podcast library at buildingblocksinfo.org.

(gentle music) >> Narrator: Positive nurturing relationships with caregivers and parents are at the heart of a child's healthy growth and development.

This is early relational health.

It's not only the most rewarding part of parenting, it is the most important.

>> The first 12 months or so of life are not only critical to brain development, but we learn language.

Our motor development advances very dramatically during that time.

But, you know, in my estimation, the number one outcome of the first year of life really relates to this early relational health.

>> An infant or toddler is clearly not capable of just going out into the world on their own.

They're completely dependent upon their adult caretakers.

And so how a young child experiences the world is through relationships.

>> 'Cause really at that very early stages of life, we're really trying to figure out how do I experience and manage all of these emotions?

What do I do with them and how do I get along with other people?

And they're gonna learn that through the relationships that they experience.

It's not very different from what adults want.

We wanna be acknowledged, we wanna be validated.

We want somebody to listen and to hear us, and then we're able to move on.

And when children receive that same type of attention, that's how we're teaching them.

>> We have a saying in early childhood where in real estate it's about location, location, location.

In early childhood, it's about relationship, relationship, relationship.

As goes the relationship, so goes the child.

>> Narrator: While verbal communication may be limited to cries and coups, babies are adept at picking up on many other cues as they take in their new environment and relationships.

Even in utero, babies will become familiar with the rhythm and sounds of language.

The simplest acts of connection can occur immediately and have a lasting impact.

(gentle music) >> Frankly, the early relational health and you know, some of the things that parents can be mindful of, begin literally in the maternity ward.

Touch is a very powerful, you know, first form of contact.

And so, you know, increasingly, you know, hospitals are prioritizing skin to skin contact.

You know, right in the, you know, the minutes immediately after birth.

>> Oh, oh, oh.

>> Connecting with a person.

Generally that connection happens first with our eyes.

Before we even can think about sharing a smile or sharing some sort of conversational exchange.

And for our babies, that's gonna be babbling.

And what we refer to as jargon, which is like, you know, the baby talk where you know your kiddo is telling you something, you have no idea what it is, but you've remained engaged and you're smiling and you gesture right along with them.

Those are foundations.

We cannot skip them.

(upbeat music) >> Narrator: Encouragement is a huge motivator for kids.

Simple everyday interactions with baby help develop communication skills, emotional regulation, and self-esteem, building the foundation of healthy relationships.

And it begins with that special bond between baby and parent.

(gentle music) >> Mom and dad's faces are baby's very favorite sights.

They are sort of expert observers and interpreters of your mood and your reaction to situations.

Infants in particular gauge their own safety by looking at your facial expressions and your reactions in a situation.

If you are in a situation where you are calm, where you are happy, then that's a cue, you know, to their own nervous system of, okay, I'm safe in this moment.

>> Narrator: How you engage with your baby is important.

Curiosity, discovery and playtime are fantastic partners.

Associating connection with positive, fulfilling interactions is a healthy experience that will stay with your child.

>> Don't be afraid to be silly.

Kids need silly, they like silly and they respond to silly.

If you're very monotone and you aren't showing a lot of emphasis with your face and your eyes, kids will even start to disengage with you.

So being emphatic and showing big smiles and changing your voice up and down can hook a child's attention and keep it there.

Keep it.

We don't care what you're doing.

Sing them a goofy song.

Dance around the kitchen with your baby.

That goes a really long way.

>> Mimic what you see your baby doing.

If you're, you know, if your baby is sticking out their tongue, stick your tongue out right back at them and you know, engage in this back and forth as they are beginning to coup and babble.

Repeat some of that back to them and you'll be amazed by the engagement that happens between you and your child and the important neural connections that are being made.

(gentle music) >> Narrator: Early positive connections help your child as they interact with other children and adults outside of their circle of family and trusted caregivers.

>> My children learned pretty early on, mommy's a talker.

So they learned that it was okay to converse back and forth, to go up to another little person because they have these models over here watching what they're doing.

Well, those two mommies are talking, I guess I can go talk to somebody as well.

(upbeat music) >> Narrator: Parents may think extravagant outings and spectacular experiences are required for childhood.

It's been proven that consistent, positive everyday interactions have the greatest impact.

For the child, the relationship is the experience.

>> We seem as a culture to be very much distracted by screens, right?

What infants need is that one-on-one.

They need eye contact.

They need what we call serve and return interactions.

>> When we can give our babies our full and undivided attention for little periods of time throughout the day, it makes a world of difference.

For our babies to engage with us we have to be listening.

You listen to them, you say something, they listen to you, they say something back.

And again, the saying isn't, you know, hello mom, good morning.

I'd like some scrambled eggs.

But it's more of just, I've figured out that I have this voice in my body and I'm gonna do something because I saw that somebody got really excited, an adult got really excited when Mia's baby made a sound.

So I'm gonna do it again because I want to keep them engaged with me.

I seek those connections.

And as a baby, those connections are crucial.

They're crucial to encourage more engagement, not just with their trusted adults, but with anybody that they come into contact with.

From, you know, little baby playtime groups to listening to their teachers as they grow up.

>> Narrator: Experiences in relationships shape how young ones navigate new emotions and situations.

These experiences impact behavioral responses that are rooted much deeper than we may think.

>> How you respond to stress later in life is gonna be wired into you.

So some people react much quicker.

They perceive threats much quicker.

They will respond aggressively to the perception of a threat, even if someone isn't really posing a threat.

Or maybe they're just having an argument and it escalates because they're so ready for the worst case scenario.

So that's a biological memory.

And then we get down to really technical issues of how science can look at the cellular composition of a person and see what stress has done to them on a cellular level.

>> Those relationships, children are very much learning.

How do I get along in different settings?

What is it like to be in school?

You know, those early experiences in a childcare setting are incredibly important.

And so we're just building those foundations of health and when we have those positive relational experiences, well we learn that we're worthy in the world.

We learn that the world is somewhere where I can succeed and people wanna help me, or we can learn the opposite.

>> This notion of stress early in life, we have to get tuned into that.

Because that does create different physiological reactions in the body, which are going to influence the developing brain architecture, how you experience the world, and then subsequently how you deal with stress and what your expectations are and who you can depend on and your feelings of safety and security.

Really, again, the foundation for how you're gonna deal with these things for the rest of your life.

(uplifting music) >> Dan: How our nervous system responds for example, to the love and attention and nurturing, you know, that our caregivers give us, you know, the extent to which we learn through those early interactions, even though we may not remember them, our bodies remember them.

>> It's a very felt experience.

We resonate with other people.

Like when other people are feeling, we respond to that.

And at the very beginning, a child and their primary caregiver are not psychologically separate.

(baby coos) When mom is upset, baby's upset, right?

Because that's a very scary time.

That baby is completely dependent on the mother.

And so that other person's wellbeing and how they interact with you is everything.

You will learn to be in a state of fear because that person may or may not be there, may or may not be able to meet your needs, or you will live in a state of security because, oh, that person's got my back, I'm good.

And we just take that with us.

>> Dan: You know, as very young children, we aren't able to sort of form narrative memories, right?

'Cause we lack the language to do it.

But there are sort of biological memories that last with us.

You know, really for a lifetime.

>> Geoffrey: The relationship is the experience of the child.

How does a child experience poverty?

They don't know that they're in poverty.

What they know is the stress and pressure it puts on the family that is in poverty.

Maybe you say, oh, well, I don't have the right toys, or games or educational materials.

Child doesn't really know that.

What they know is what's happening between you and me.

And the fact that you are with the child and playing and interacting and give and take that is completely fulfilling for the child.

So it's not about necessarily having access to every resource, but it's about what does the lack of resources, how does that influence the family?

The time that you have, the pressure you have when you are with your children.

>> Narrator: Having a parent attuned to their needs helps establish emotional literacy and sets the foundational building blocks for self-advocacy.

>> Identifying emotions isn't a bad thing.

We need to feel all of the emotions and also recognize that there are ways to shift and work on then getting back to feeling good in your own body.

>> Parent: Is that good?

(uplifting music) >> Narrator: There isn't a concerned parent who hasn't asked, what am I doing?

While this shared experience may not make you feel better, it is important to note that you care and you're doing your best.

These are big topics with lasting impact, and there isn't a single path to healthy early childhood development.

There are some simple guidelines that can help put parents at ease and stay mindful of how they can nurture their child.

(uplifting music) >> My wife and I were both early childhood educators and we had degrees and, you know, in working with young children for example.

But, you know, does that mean we were any better equipped to take care of a newborn baby 24 hours a day for the first time?

I mean, until you've done that, you haven't done that.

>> We're all doing the very best we can.

We all love our children, and we all want what's best for our children.

And that doesn't mean we're perfect.

>> Perfect parenting is not a thing (chuckles).

(uplifting music) >> Narrator: There are two sides to every relationship, and it's okay as a parent to consider yourself a healthy, emotionally strong parent is better equipped to care for their child.

Awareness and use of professional resources and a reliable support system is key to managing a parent's most precious asset, time.

>> The emotional components for a child directly relate to the emotional components and health of their trusted adults.

Their health, their mental health, their wellbeing is a huge priority.

I'm sharing a lot with families about how important it is that they take care of themselves, finding the right supports so that they can then support their child.

There's nothing to be ashamed of.

It's something we need to be proud of, that we can all support each other because if we're supporting the parents, we're supporting the kid.

>> I hope that through all of his NICU stay, I hope his early days home.

I hope now in 10 years from now, Owen never felt alone.

Every step of the way I tried to be there with him as much as he was there for me, and he still is.

And we spend every single day together.

I am his caregiver, as well as his mother obviously.

But I have also taken on the role of caregiver.

He supports me just as much as I support him.

You know, like I can't imagine life without him now.

And as hard as it was, I look back and I don't really remember a time before he was in the NICU or anything where he wasn't a part of our lives.

Like some days are rougher than others, and some days are absolutely terrific.

And sometimes when you have a child with special needs, that's just how it is, and you just kind of roll with the tides.

But at the end of the day, like we're buddies, we're buddies.

>> Raising young children, especially infants and toddlers, is really challenging in that not looking for perfection.

We're looking for parents who are doing their best to meet those needs.

And I think in order to really meet those needs, they also need to look for opportunities to take care of themselves.

It's knowing that that is also very important and valuable too, in providing the type of care that we want to.

>> So I know all of this is overwhelming for parents to think about because they always think of the things that they didn't do for their kids.

And we're all, you know, we all think that way.

But the bottom line is what matters most to your kids is the relationship that you have with your child.

And those interactions you have with them are the most powerful experience that they're gonna have.

So interact with them, be with them, play with them.

Even if we as adults think we're really not doing anything.

Your being with your children is what your children need.

Your job is to give them comfort, support, protection, and nurturance.

And if you give them that, you'll be giving them safety, security, hope and trust.

And if we as parents can give our children safety, security, hope and trust, we've done our job.

>> It is important as much as we can to educate ourselves about development so that we can promote those things.

But you know, the flip side to that is that you know that we as humans are very resilient.

(uplifting music) >> Narrator: Early relational health affects the continuum of growth.

If changes are made with key issues in relational health, a conscious intervention must be made.

Early relational health goes beyond our experiences with our first trusted caregivers.

It informs all of our relationships and so much more as we continue through life.

>> When we know better, we can do better.

as parents of newborns and young children, you know, the more we can educate ourselves, the more we know about, you know, some of the foundations of child development, you know, the better we are positioned to be able to really optimize some of that development.

>> Early relational health is a foundation for all the other learning that's gonna happen later in life.

So through those relationships, brain connections and neural connections are being made, that that's where our academic knowledge, that's where all of the learning that's gonna take place throughout that child's life is gonna sit on.

So when they have that strong foundation, those strong neural connections that they've developed through these relationships, it sets them up for success later in life.

So stronger brain development, more mental health later in life.

So less likely to have depression or anxiety when they have those really strong relationships at the beginning.

(uplifting music) You've built all of this experience and now they need to learn how to be in relationship with peers, which is different, right?

But if you have that same nurturing in caregiving, well then we learn how do we get along with peers?

>> By having these engaged, consistent relationships with loving adults, that young children learn about the world.

That it is a safe place, that their caregivers can be relied upon consistently.

That backdrop then forms the, you know, the foundation of our long-term mental health.

It plays out over, you know, over the lifetime in terms of how we create relationships.

Even as adults with our spouses or our partners really finds its, you know, its roots in the, you know, the earliest months of life.

>> Someone's attachment style, whether they had a secure or insecure attachment, they're very likely to repeat that without intervention, right?

So how you will parent your own children is very much how you were parented, right?

So that you see it on down the line.

When we learn that we're worthy and it's a safe place to be and that there's hope in the world, well we take that with us.

And that's why investing in these early years and investing in not just like where children are, in kind of the curriculum, but how are they being interacted with, how are they being cared for, is incredibly important to what we see later in life.

>> Dan: I couldn't overstate more the importance of consistency and living in the moment with your child.

>> The adult's responsibility in establishing that relationship with the child is to give them comfort, support, nurturance, and protection.

And if a child receives comfort, support, nurturance, and protection consistently throughout those earliest months and years, then they learn safety, security, trust, and hope.

Think about what a foundation that is for them, to deal with all of the challenges that any life will have, no matter what your resources are.

And if you can approach those challenges, no matter how difficult, coming from a place of being raised with safety, security, hope and trust, you have great resiliency.

And that resilience comes through relationships.

But that's the key, is we all have to have at least one adult who is hopelessly crazy in love with us, who will always be there for us.

(uplifting music) >> Narrator: So, do you feel overwhelmed, excited, informed?

No judgment, parenting can be as intimidating as it is rewarding.

We hope we've served as a reminder to be mindful during baby's first 1,000 days.

The complexities will always be present, but what we know is powerful.

Babies respond to comfort, support, nurturance, and protection.

These core human connections make for positive experiences and environments.

They cost nothing but the time invested in a strong relationship.

Parents and trusted caregivers are the fuel that power positive early relational health.

(uplifting music) >> Presenter: Legacy Foundation is Lake County's Community Foundation.

For over 30 years, we've partnered with donors and nonprofits, focusing on youth development, the arts, the environment, health, literacy, and other causes that matter to you.

We're committed to Lake County forever.

First things First Porter County is dedicated to supporting families, healthy beginnings, and quality early learning, ensuring every Porter County baby is born prepared for a strong start in life.

Learn more at firstthingspc.org.

(upbeat music) >> I have a very strong connection to other students.

Everyone makes an effort to help each other.

I'll remember the feeling of being here, the feeling that I was a part of a family.

(upbeat music) >> Presenter: Routine visits with a pediatrician are vital to a child's development.

That's why at NorthShore Health Centers, pediatricians provide quality care to every child, every time, ensuring that your child is reaching their developmental milestones and are up to date on their vaccines.

Learn more at northshorehealth.org.

>> Presenter: Doing as much as you can, as quickly as you can is important to me.

Life is short and the earlier we get started helping our community, the better off our community will be.

(bright music) >> Presenter: Additional support for Building Blocks is provided generously by Tom Sourlis and Sue Eleuterio.

As well as Porter County Community Foundation, serving Porter County since 1996.

Additional support for our local programming and Lakeshore Public Media is provided by viewers like you.

Thank you.

Looking for longer conversations regarding the early stages of childhood development and beyond?

"Building Blocks," the podcast, features Dr. Mary Jane Eisenhower, of First Things First Porter County.

In a candid conversation with local experts, practitioners, and policy makers.

Bringing focus to ways individuals in our communities can support our youngest citizens.

Explore the podcast library at buildingblocksinfo.org.

(bright music) (bright music)