♪ ♪ I need to say something.

I think our marriage might be over.

DOUGLAS: So, a trial separation?

CONNIE: Except not a trial.

DOUGLAS: Connie!

We should still go on holiday.

We'll have this last summer together.

This is my friend.

Hi!

I want it to be the three of us.

Don't say, "It's not you, it's me."

It's not me, either, it's us.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ CONNIE: Douglas?

Douglas.

Douglas, I need to say something.

Douglas, I've been thinking about leaving.

(clock ticking) I think our marriage might be over.

♪ ♪ When you say "leaving"...

Starting again.

A new life, but not together.

So, divorce?

No, that's not the most important thing at the moment.

Ah, so, a trial separation?

Except not a trial.

I mean breaking up.

Don't say "breaking up"-- 16-year-olds break up.

What you're saying is, you'd rather be alone.

We're gonna be alone, Connie.

Yes, I know.

Well, tell me, tell me clearly.

I just feel that things between us might have run their course.

I don't agree.

Oh, well, if you don't agree... (sighs) We don't talk!

We talk.

About the boiler, about holidays and insurance.

We don't have conversations.

So what do you want to tell me?

It's not you... Oh, don't say, "It's not you, it's me."

It's not me, either, it's us!

No, it's not us, because I don't want to leave!

I just feel... Don't say, "I just feel, I just feel"-- say what you want!

I want change!

Right.

Okay, well, what can I do?

What do you mean?

Well, this is obviously, um, a catalyst thing.

What do you call it?

A wake-up call.

So what can I change about myself?

I don't want you to be someone else!

Because I'm quite capable of change.

You're great!

I just don't think I can spend my whole life with you.

(sighs) I'm sorry I'm not able to be more articulate.

No, no.

That bit was quite clear.

♪ ♪ CONNIE: All those years as a parent, being called "Mum," until it's like my name, and then suddenly it stops.

I, I think of how empty it's going to be, every evening, for the rest of our lives, just the two of us rattling around.

Doesn't that frighten you?

No.

We wouldn't rattle, we'd do things, we'd work, we'd travel.

And then we'd come home.

I have this word in my head: "box sets."

Every time I hear it, I can feel my heart racing.

(sighs) I don't know what it is yet, but I need to find something else.

Great, then let's find it together.

Have you only stayed because of Albie?

No!

We've been through a lot.

I think we've been happy.

But now... (sighs) Don't you ever think our work is done?

It was never work to me.

Well, it was for me, sometimes.

Do you think we could get a little sleep now?

I do feel quite relaxed.

(chuckles) Let's try.

(breathes deeply) (doorbell rings) (dog barking) Why do you always do this?

It's very hard to get a slot.

On a Sunday, too!

If I'd known you were leaving me, I'd have pushed it to 9:00.

Do you want to accept the substitutes?

I don't know, Connie, do you want to accept the substitutes?

I'm sure the substitutes are fine.

Is there someone else?

No!

I told you... (footsteps) Oh, you check the eggs?

No, I'm sure the eggs are fine...

I'll check the eggs.

Oh...

Yes, the eggs are fine.

So, uh, who wants to do the honors?

Thanks.

Brilliant, um, have, have a great weekend.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Also, we're gonna have to cancel the holiday.

You think so?

Well, we don't want it to be the trip of a lifetime for all the wrong reasons, do we?

No, I can see that.

Three whole weeks is a long time to fix a smile, don't you think?

I like mine darker.

I know that.

And of course we're gonna lose all the deposits, which is hundreds of pounds-- thousands, actually.

Train tickets, the hotel rooms...

Isn't it all insured?

Not against despair, no!

Sh, Albie can hear you.

Clearly, I should have thought of that.

I never said... "If my wife feels suffocated all of a sudden, are we covered?"

Well, if you're so concerned about the money... Oh, Connie, do you really believe the money is my main concern here?

(toaster pops) (music playing on headphones, footsteps approaching) Afternoon.

Please don't bring food in here.

It's like a petri dish.

And open the window.

Ah...

Birds have been smoking on the windowsill again, I see.

Swallows rolling their own little cigarettes.

You can't hear anything I say, can you?

(yawns) A little bit of news.

Mum's leaving me.

(loudly): I'm going to the dump.

Got anything for the dump?

(yawns) No?

All right, fine.

You stay there.

All day.

(music playing on headphones) (breathes deeply) What's up with him?

Nothing!

Just fancied going to the dump, his fortress of solitude.

(breathes deeply) ("Soave sia il vento" from Così Fan Tutte playing) ♪ Soave sia il vento ♪ ♪ Tranquilla sia l'onda ♪ ♪ Ed ogni elemento ♪ ♪ Benigno ♪ ♪ Risponda ♪ ♪ Ai nostri desir ♪ ♪ Soave sia... ♪ (knocks, talks indistinctly) (switch clicks, music stops) (unbuckles seat belt) ("Soave sia il vento" resumes softly) (grunting) ♪ Ai nostri ♪ ♪ Desir ♪ ♪ ♪ (door closes) (music fades) (softly): That's better.

I'd better email those hotels, see what I can salvage.

Douglas, let's go for a walk.

Come on-- come on.

Should one of us... move out, or check into a hotel?

That's what you're meant to do, isn't it?

Do you want me to?

Well, I don't think that's necessary.

Not while Albie's at home.

Can you stand it until the autumn?

I think so-- look, here's the thing, though.

Bear with me.

I think we should still go.

On holiday?

For Albie's sake.

We're going on holiday for the sake of the kid?

Why not?

You've done all that planning.

And it'd be good for you and Albie to spend some time together.

Be a nice memory, before he goes to college.

And maybe if he flunks his art exam, we could have another year of marriage.

But then maybe you can't flunk art.

What is there to get wrong?

You see, this is exactly why you... And when we come back, you don't even have to unpack.

You and Albie can just chuck your suitcases into the taxi.

♪ ♪ Let's have this one last summer.

As a family.

No, I'm sorry, I don't think I can.

(sighs) ♪ ♪ (ringing doorbell fading in) KAREN: Douglas, you're late.

I came straight from the lab!

It looks like it.

Cords and checks?

What is this shirt?

Is it graph paper?

You look like something out of a Millets catalogue.

You're gonna have to go home and change.

If I go home, I won't come back.

Fine.

Oh, who knits a tie?

Honestly, Douglas, I love you, but you're a liability.

KAREN: Come here.

(indistinct chatter) Connie Moore.

What?

Connie Moore, Connie.

Who's Connie?

That's who you're sitting next to.

She's newly single, she's smart, she's funny, she's intelligent... You promised you wouldn't do this again.

And the best thing is, she's not a snob about how people look.

No!

No.

I'm off.

Okay, too late!

KAREN: Everyone, everyone!

This is my brother Douglas.

Hey!

Be nice to him.

He's very shy!

I'm not shy!

Connie!

No... Could you just make room?

(indistinct chatter, music playing) Hello.

Hello!

(applause) CONNIE: So, you're a, uh, scientist?

Uh, yeah, that's right.

An evil scientist or a mad scientist?

(chuckles): I alternate.

CONNIE: Ah... (whispers): I can't really talk about it.

(whispers): Oh, is it a military-industrial thing?

(chuckles): Too dull.

My sister's torn up my list.

List?

Conversational gambits?

An actual written-down list?

In my head: "Where do you live?"

"How do you know Karen?"

"What do you do for a living?"

Let's skip that part.

Well, now you have to tell me.

Well, it's not a living, but...

I trained as an artist.

I still do it, I just always feel stupid saying it.

Oh, is that watercolors, or oils, or... (scoffs): Watercolors...

It's a bit more complicated than that, mate.

Jake's a kind of artist, too.

Yeah, trapeze artist, yeah!

In a circus.

How do you join a circus?

Is it, is it just a question of running away to it or... Well, I mean, do you want the... Do you want the long version or the... Short version.

Short version, yeah.

YOUNGER DOUGLAS: The scientific name is Drosophila melanogaster, A.K.A.

the common fruit fly.

Oh.

Flies.

Want to move seats?

No, keep going.

Okay, uh, well, we're investigating mutagens.

So we're using chemical agents to induce genetic mutation... Why would you mutate a fruit fly?

That's not natural.

Well, there's nothing inherently unnatural about mutation.

It's just another word for evolution.

It's, it's like fungicides, pesticides, you know?

It's, it's wicked.

(laughs): I don't think a chemical compound can be wicked in itself-- it can be used irresponsibly or foolishly... We've all lost touch with, you know, our, our roots.

Nobody knows what a carrot tastes like anymore.

Um, sorry, I've lost track... Everything's chemical.

Everything is a chemical.

Hmm!

Carrots are chemicals.

Hmm.

Karen's pasta bake is a chemical.

Uh... You're chemical.

No, I'm not.

You're 65% oxygen, 18% carbon... Don't try and limit me...

But it's literally true!

Well, still, I think we'd all be better off if scientists, or you lot, stop mucking about with all this stuff.

(sighs) (background music stops) Okay, let's say, one day, you're up there, on your trapeze.

God forbid, something goes wrong and you break your legs.

And you're in hospital and you're in chronic pain, and you pick up an infection.

And the only solution is to amputate.

And let's say you refuse any kind of so-called chemical intervention-- that's antibiotics, pain relief, anesthetic.

And let's say you die.

You die in agony.

And your family and friends are rightly distraught, but... "Thank God," they'll say, "he may be dead, but thank God there was no mucking about with stuff."

(throat clearing) KAREN: Let's sit soft.

I wish I knew about science.

I don't know why the sky is blue or the difference between an atom and a molecule.

(chuckles) My niece asked me why the sea comes in and out, and I told her it was something to do with magnets.

It is magnets, isn't it?

Or... gravity acting on large bodies of water-- uh... Are you, are you all right?

Yes, yeah, sorry, it's just... Well... chemicals.

Okay, yes, I wondered why my sister kept touching my face.

(laughs): Yeah, this is the answer.

Saw your pupils dilate and I thought, "Well, that's a first."

Did you want to... No, I've had an indigestion tablet.

Cheeky half, for the pasta bake.

Has it kicked in yet?

I think it was a dud.

(laughs) Of course, the interesting fact about...

I think your sister's trying to fix us up.

I got that impression, too.

She thinks I'd be good for you or you'd be good for me or...

Either way, nothing's gonna happen.

No, I wasn't expecting it to.

No, I mean, you're clearly brilliant, and it is such a relief to talk to someone who actually knows something.

A proper grown-up.

Grown-up sounds a bit dull.

No, no.

Believe me, it isn't.

I'm on the rebound, bad break-up, you see.

No, yeah.

No, I understand, I do.

(clears throat) Gosh, well, um, I should probably head off anyway... Douglas.

Would you, um, walk home with me?

Of course, yeah-- where do you live?

Whitechapel.

That's... eight miles.

I just want to walk, clear my head-- do you mind?

Not at all, um, I'll just tell Karen... No, let's make a French exit.

What's a French exit?

This.

(giggling) (clock ticking, Douglas breathing) (alarm clock ringing) (toothbrush whirring) (water running) (toothbrush stops) (toothbrush drops in holder) (Douglas spits in sink, water running) ♪ ♪ Hmm, hang on a sec.

Have a good day.

Bye.

Bye.

So I'll see you... Yeah.

What time will you...

The usual.

♪ ♪ ALBIE: Okay, I'm off.

Room?

When I get back.

Dad?

What's wrong?

(scoffs) (engine starts) (dog barks) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Connie!

(car horn beeps) Connie!

Connie!

(sighs) CONNIE: Douglas... Connie, Connie... Connie... (breathlessly): Connie, you're right.

We should still go on holiday, do the Grand Tour, for Albie's sake as much as anything.

But not just Albie's sake.

No, for all our sakes, like you said.

(car horn beeping) It is the last time, and maybe I haven't been paying attention... (car horn beeps) Can you give us one minute?

But I'm noticing now.

And whatever happens in the autumn, we'll have this last summer together.

Oh.

I'm not wearing shoes.

(car horn beeping) There's probably glass, I should go back.

But I did just want to say that I... (car horn blaring) Can you give us one... moment...

please?!

I just wanted to say... Let's not do this here.

I'm driving off now-- here I go.

(computer keys clacking) DOUGLAS: Show you can change.

One: Never be too tired or not in the mood.

Two... Albie!

Avoid conflict with Albie.

Be interested-- good humor at all times... Albie, can you bring your stuff?

Three: Try new things.

Unusual foods late at night.

Be open-minded.

Ah, you're gonna bring your guitar?

Is that all right?

Yeah, course, that's great!

Four: It's not necessary to be right about everything, even when clearly right.

You know who'll be carrying this across Europe, don't you?

You mustn't panic-- he wants to busk.

Well, I suppose there are worse things he could do.

I'm sure he'll do those, too.

Five: Be organized, but maintain a sense of fun and spontaneity.

Six: At all times, be aware of Connie.

Talk and listen.

♪ ♪ (keys clacking) ♪ ♪ Look, it's our emotional baggage.

(chuckles): Hm.

It's exciting, isn't it?

It is!

All those cities... No, no.

Three whole weeks...

Sorry, you say... Oh, nothing, just...

I'm glad we're doing this.

Me, too.

We'll have fun.

See the sights.

You can talk to Albie.

I do talk to Albie.

A conversation, in a calm voice.

Okay.

DOUGLAS: So we're in France exactly... Now!

(phone vibrating) Or maybe the border's halfway through the tunnel.

They ought to have a sign, except no one would see it.

Who designed the Channel Tunnel?

Nobody knows, do they?

If it was a bridge, we'd know.

Bridges are show-offs, but a good tunnel-- underrated.

(camera clicks) All that rock and water over your head, and yet you feel completely safe.

I don't feel safe.

(laughs) (camera clicks) (drums on table): Look at us.

Three weeks, six countries, 12 cities.

We're like, I don't know, U2!

(sighs) I hope we get a copy of that, the coffee cup.

He's experimenting, it's what he's meant to do at his age.

Three years to study photography.

Can't he just read the manual?

I know, it's not that sort of photography.

It's photography and art.

And he's very talented.

I just don't think he's ever taken a single picture of me.

He sees an old fridge in a skip and he's snapping away, but his own father...

Ask him, then.

Hmm?

Well, if you'd like him to take your photograph, all you have to do is ask him.

No, I don't want to be photographed.

Well, he thinks you're not interested.

(camera clicks) Go on.

(camera clicks) (softly): Sorry.

May I see?

Mm, all in focus.

Just trying stuff out.

It's sort of abstract, isn't it?

When we get to Paris, I want lots of the Eiffel Tower, with me sort of leaning against it.

(chuckles) ♪ ♪ YOUNGER CONNIE: Of course, as a career it's insane, art.

No one makes a living.

At least you get to do the thing you love.

Bio... Biochemistry.

Yeah, literally the chemistry of life.

Every living thing.

What's more interesting than that?

Even as a kid, I loved it.

I used to get these magazines: World of Wonder and Amazing Science, just fun facts about protein, how to make a battery out of a lemon.

You can do that?

I can, if you ever need me to... At that age, it all goes in.

I... God... (chuckles) I used to fantasize about having some sudden beautiful realization: perpetual motion or clean, safe fission-- time travel!

Are you all right?

Uh...

Yes, of course.

Sorry, it's, I'm just a bit buzzy.

Should I stop talking?

No, no, you're bringing me down-- in a good way.

Do you actually have any idea where we're going?

DOUGLAS: The first stop is Paris.

The food, the culture, the romance.

North to Amsterdam for the museums, overnight to Munich-- very exciting-- then hop over the Alps to Venice, Bologna, Siena, and Florence!

And then down to the glory that is Rome, south to Naples, and still there's more!

For the first time, a flight-- Madrid, Barcelona, then across the border to Marseille, And back to Paris.

♪ ♪ DOUGLAS: Keep an eye on your bags.

Every station we've ever been to, your father says, "Keep an eye on your bags."

Wallets, too, it's... ALL: Pickpocket central.

DOUGLAS: Yeah.

Et voilà!

Hôtel Bontemps.

Literally, Good-Times Hotel.

Technically two-stars, but with four-star reviews.

DOUGLAS: So...

I thought I'd save some money and put us all in the same room.

You're kidding me!

There's bunkbeds, or you can squeeze in with me and your mum.

I'm sorry, but I refuse to sleep in a... We're next door.

Okay-- thanks, Dad.

Don't touch the minibar, the markup's outrageous.

Remember, your father can hear a minibar open from three rooms away.

Exactly-- buy stuff outside and smuggle it in, like everyone else.

"Bunkbeds," such a dad joke.

(lock beeps and clicks) (siren wails in distance) What do you think?

It's very nice.

Ew, a bit more pubic hair than I'd want in a hotel room.

All in all, I'd have preferred a chocolate on my pillow.

You're right.

Where are you going?

I'm going to go to reception and ask them to clean the room.

Hold on.

Let's rest a moment.

(shuts door) I just want everything to be perfect.

I sense that.

But it won't be, not all the time.

I don't mind.

(sighs): I caught myself napping the other day.

In the armchair, in the middle of the afternoon; never done that before.

I thought, "Oh, here we go.

I'm becoming a woman who naps."

It's the death of the cell.

Slowing down, it's bound to happen.

Already?

We're lucky to make it this far.

In the 15th century, we would be a miracle.

Like ancient gods.

Well, that's okay, then.

I just mean it's not a surprise.

I expected you to get older.

It's still you.

I always thought, Albie leaves home, we have time together, travel, go for long walks.

And then eventually...

Slow down, get old, look after each other, and die.

Short illness or a fall.

I realize, as a vision of our future, I'm not necessarily selling the idea.

Let's not think too much about it.

Let's make it a rule.

Live in the moment!

Yeah, yeah.

I better just check on Albie.

(sighs) (door opens and shuts) DOUGLAS (through door): What do you mean you're not coming?

ALBIE: I want to do my own thing.

DOUGLAS: The reservation is for three people.

Well, they can remove a chair.

What are you going to do instead?

Walk around, explore!

Explore with us!

Dad, I don't want to!

The whole reason we're here is to spend time together as a family.

We spend plenty of time together.

DOUGLAS: Not in Paris!

Douglas... ALBIE: What's different about Paris?

Money, for one thing-- do you have any idea how much all this costs?

Douglas!

The, the money's not important!

Why bring it up, then?

Because I want it to be the three of us.

Dad, I've basically come backpacking with my parents.

You have to give me a bit of time to myself.

Douglas!

Please-- take me out to dinner.

There you go, it's date night.

You can settle the whole tunnels-versus-bridges thing.

I'll see you at breakfast.

♪ ♪ Up at 8:00 sharp!

On the streets at 8:45.

We're beating the crowds.

♪ ♪ (camera clicking) (camera clicks) (strumming guitar) ♪ ♪ Ready?

♪ ♪ Has Albie got any friends in Paris?

I think "friends" means something different now.

I mean, he goes online and writes, "I'm in Paris," and then someone says, "My friend's in Paris, you should meet," so he does.

Sounds terrifying.

Oh, I don't know, all those new people.

Maybe it's easier when you're young.

I found it terrifying when I was young, as well.

Yes, me, too.

Really?

You always seemed like you could talk to anyone.

Well, most of the time I was drunk.

Or off my face on something.

But I'm sober now.

Sorry about that.

Bit embarrassing.

Oh, I don't mind.

My friends always say, "Take this pill, have one more drink, lose those inhibitions."

(chuckles) I want something that'll give them back.

Imagine, waking up, nice clear head, thinking, "God, I was so inhibited last night."

(chuckles) Actually, that's how I do wake up.

(laughs) And doesn't that feel incredible?

Not always.

I think it sounds like bliss.

This walk is ridiculous.

You okay to keep going?

Course.

How far is that now?

DOUGLAS: 8,459, just under.

What I don't understand is... Go on.

Surely you know how far you've walked because you've walked that far.

It's about goals.

Measurable data.

Maybe we'll cross 10K on the way home.

(restaurant chatter) You look very beautiful, by the way.

That's the candles.

In the 15th century, I'm a miracle.

(laughing): Look, they've got an Edith Piaf Burger.

Probably the only thing...

BOTH: She regrets.

All dad jokes from now on.

I like dad jokes.

You look nice, too, by the way.

Tie too much?

Not at all.

You've got the job.

(chuckles) (slowly): C'est possible avoir deux verres de champagne, aussi, peut-être?

I'll, uh, bring them straightaway.

How do they know I'm English?

C'est un mystère.

Maybe if I'd had lessons, like you.

I didn't have lessons, I learnt it from French people.

French boys.

20-year-old French boys with skinny chests and Gauloises.

Not at all, it really wasn't like that.

And they weren't boyfriends, it was more: Je t'aime, mais comme une amie.

What's that?

"I love you, but as a friend."

Long time ago now.

It was all a bit of a waste of time, all that traveling around, instead of getting on with stuff.

At least you were doing something useful.

Me and my fruit fly friends?

Not that useful in the end.

Bit of a plodder, really.

Douglas!

I know-- in the moment.

So, tell me something new.

(clicks tongue, exhales) (server approaches) Merci.

Thank you.

Let's get hammered, shall we?

(glasses clink) ♪ ♪ Are you sure?

Of course, why not?

It doesn't seem very dignified.

(Connie laughing) (electric scooters whirring) (laughing) ♪ ♪ What about my 10,000 steps?

Oh, forget about the steps!

♪ ♪ This is me.

As they say.

Thanks for walking me home.

I feel more sober, bit saner.

If you hadn't been around, I'd have just called my ex, so...

It's only 4:00, you could still catch him.

I think I'll leave it.

Well, I had a nice time.

I didn't refer to my list once.

Throw the list away, Douglas.

There's a night bus, isn't there?

What, back to Balham?

Yes, I'm working tomorrow, so school night.

Uh, Trafalgar Square and then N77... Douglas.

I am literally inviting you up to see my etchings.

♪ ♪ CONNIE: Oh!

No... DOUGLAS: Ah... Really?

Oh, that turns the bathroom light on.

This wiring's the work of a maniac.

(chuckles) What happens if... Why don't you just... Oh, hello!

(chuckling) All right!

♪ ♪ (chuckling) ♪ ♪ Stop a second.

You okay?

Yeah, it's just... Mm... Complimentary chocolate.

Oh, thanks.

For later.

♪ ♪ (Connie laughing) (Douglas grunts, both laugh) ♪ ♪ Bit waxy.

Really, it's the worst thing you can eat before you go to sleep.

We don't have to eat it.

Yes, we do, it's free.

Anyway, it's too late now.

I'm gonna walk it off.

9,973.

So near!

Mm.

I should walk up and down the corridor.

You can; I won't let you back in.

Fair enough.

(switches clicking) (grunts) I'm sorry this is confusing; I'm confused, too.

The great thing is, we're talking.

So let's stop now.

(distant siren wailing) (inhales, exhales deeply) (faint traffic outside) (breathes deeply) (guitar playing through wall) (sighs) For Christ's sake, Albie!

(sighs) It's 2:00 in the morning!

Should I go in there?

Not yet, not if he's with people.

How many has he got in there?

I'm gonna call reception.

No, don't inform on your own son.

Just text him.

(guitar stops) Shh, shh, shh, shh.

It's stopped.

(soft chuckle) Yeah.

(rhythmic pounding through wall) Oh, no.

Is that what I think it is?

I hope it is just two of them.

Ah, I'm gonna text him.

What do you text in this situation?

It's not something I've thought about.

Or email?

(moaning through wall) (laughing): He's not checking his emails!

Oh, okay, I'm gonna text, just, "No."

All caps.

(moaning continues) I don't want to be a killjoy.

"No" and then a smiley face.

"Precautions," exclamation mark.

(chuckling) (groans): No.

(sighs) Let's just... (clears throat) (pounding continues) (pounding, moaning continue) Should we have that talk?

What talk?

The sex talk.

Okay.

Well, my feeling is that while you and I are still together and sharing a bed, there's no reason why...

I meant with Albie.

Oh.

Well, if last night taught us anything, it's that it's a little late for that.

Even so, I'm gonna talk to him later.

Really?

Okay.

Do we need to talk?

ALBIE: Mum, Dad...

This is my friend.

Hi!

I'm Kat.

Pleased to meet you.

Kat, as in Katherine?

Uh, no one's called me that since I was five.

(laughs): You're Connie, yeah?

Oh!

(Connie laughing) Albie's right, you are gorgeous.

(chuckling) As for you, Douglas... Grrr!

(Albie laughs) So, um, I hear talk of a breakfast buffet?

KAT: It's so cool how you guys can do this.

Interrailing, but with your mum and dad.

DOUGLAS: Mm, it's more of a Grand Tour, really.

Yeah, so Albie can see some art, some architecture.

KAT: Ah.

I don't know how you don't all kill each other.

It's the first day, so... What brings you to Paris, Kat?

Well, Connie, music.

Music brings me to Paris.

All this free stuff, it just goes on and on!

It's not free, exactly.

Kat's in a band.

Yes, we heard you last night.

KAT: Ah, thank you!

Oh, you didn't like it.

You play very well, it was just a little late.

Why do they only have these tiny glasses?

Yeah, you got to keep filling them up.

KAT: Mm!

You could just lie underneath and open the tap.

So where are the band?

Oh, they've all gone back home.

I thought I'd stay on.

Bum my way around Europe.

That's how I met Albie.

He was on my spot, so, uh, I set him straight.

And we had a chat, and one thing led to another, as they say.

So you're a busker, then?

KAT: I prefer street musician.

"Busking" suggests a lack of, uh, professionalism.

(gasps): Breakfast and lunch.

Oh, look at this ham!

I'm essentially a vegan, with the exception of cured meats.

Sorry, Kat, can you put some of that back?

Hm?

Just maybe don't put stuff in your pockets?

(quietly): Jesus.

Are you accusing me of stealing?

He didn't say stealing.

It's meant to be eaten on the premises, otherwise it's anarchy.

I'm a thief?

No, you're just getting carried away.

It's not how buffets work.

It's a system of mutual trust.

KAT: It only gets stale and thrown away.

Well, not these, not the preserves-- that's why they're called preserves.

Take one by all means, the honey or the jam.

Okay.

I'm so embarrassed.

CONNIE: Let's, let's just all go and sit down, shall we?

How do your parents feel about you traveling, Kat?

Dad!

What?

Search me, Douglas, I haven't seen them for three years.

What, you haven't seen your parents for three years?

That's terrible.

Not for me it isn't.

For me it's great.

Do you call them?

KAT: Mm-hmm, my mum, twice a year, Christmas and birthday.

Yours or hers?

What?

Well, do you speak to your mother on your birthday or her birthday?

Oh, hers-- it's her treat.

(chuckles) Connie, Albie says that you used to be an artist, but you gave it all up.

Oh, well, I was never really an artist.

But you sold paintings.

A few, to friends, to my parents, but I didn't really make a living.

You're still artistic, Connie.

Oh, I work in community arts.

I, um, I don't create anything myself, just facilitate.

That's the word.

I facilitate others.

KAT: Hmm... Dougie, so you're an evil scientist.

Big pharma, yeah?

DOUGLAS: I work in the pharmaceutical industry, yes, in, in research and development.

I know some of Albie's concerns about the ethics of this...

I didn't say anything!

Don't get at me.

I just said what you do.

All I can say is let's just imagine if, God forbid, you should require some new medicine, developed by the evil corporation, let's just, uh... (Albie sighing) (indistinct chatter) Let's just say I think it's important work, but there's always room for improvement.

(soft chuckle) Shall we go?

Okay.

DOUGLAS: I liked her.

CONNIE: Is that why you asked her to put her breakfast back?

Not all of it.

"The buffet system is a system of trust."

Was that too much?

Oh, God, look at him, our boy's all grown up.

Bye, guys!

See you around, maybe!

Douglas, check it out.

Stop!

Thief!

(chuckles) Bye.

DOUGLAS: We liked her.

She's got a very quirky view of the world.

So will you see each other again, do you think?

You know, it's not unnatural, two adults talking about relationships.

It is unnatural-- I'm your son.

But you're a man now.

Technically, you could fight in a war!

Well, I would rather fight in a war than have this conversation!

(laughs) Your mother and you talk all the time!

That's different!

Well, it needn't be.

I'm trying to be more open!

Well, can you close it down, please?

Let's just get there, shall we?

DOUGLAS: You see?

This is why we got up early, to beat the crowds.

ALBIE: This holiday, are we going to do anything spontaneous?

Uh, I hadn't planned to.

(camera clicking) Now, Albie, if you're serious about art, this is the place.

We're doing this for your sake.

All our sakes; let's start.

DOUGLAS: We can't do the whole thing, so the trick is to focus on a few key paintings.

Or just see what happens.

♪ Let me, let me ♪ ♪ Let me freeze again ♪ ♪ To death ♪ Well, at least someone's having a worse holiday than us.

No, I'm having a nice time.

Really.

A lot going on, isn't there?

A lot going on.

Awful situation.

Nightmare to frame.

(sighs) ♪ ♪ (phone camera clicks) ♪ ♪ I like this one.

Look, all the different vegetables.

It's very original.

It's kitsch.

But if you had to eat one of the four... ♪ ♪ DOUGLAS: 2,839 steps; feels like more.

Why are art galleries so exhausting?

(camera clicks) Is it all the pondering?

You could wait in the cafe, if you're bored.

No, I'm not bored.

I just wish I knew how long you're meant to look and what you're meant to say.

CONNIE: Don't say anything.

Just look.

Look around you.

♪ ♪ DOUGLAS: The "Mona Lisa's" back there.

Oh, let's leave it, too many people.

(camera clicks) You know what it looks like.

Okay.

Seems strange, being in the Louvre and not seeing...

It's smaller than you think and the eyes follow you around the room.

Let's find something new.

Okay.

(whispering): I really want to tick it off.

(laughing) Do we need to talk about last night?

Hm?

ALBIE: Mum?

Ah... (Connie and Albie talking indistinctly) YOUNGER DOUGLAS: I like art.

I just don't know anything about it.

You don't have to know anything.

The only thing hanging on my wall is a fire extinguisher.

Just a great blank wall of magnolia.

I'll have to do something about that before you come round.

(music playing in background) What about those?

CONNIE: Oh, um, no.

We don't talk about those.

Art school stuff, it's all rubbish, just ripped off from other people.

They're wonderful!

Oh, well, like you said, you don't know anything about art, so...

I can tell when someone's good.

(chuckles softly) Can I buy one?

For my wall?

You're very nice.

Not on a first date.

(sighing) I should go.

Oh, okay.

Well, it's Saturday, can't you skive?

No, I have to go to the lab.

But, are you... Hm... silly idea.

Are you busy?

(music continues) YOUNGER DOUGLAS: 60% of the genes responsible for human disease are found in drosophila.

So, uh, we, we can investigate Parkinson's disease, Huntington's.

Hmmm...

It's exciting stuff.

So what am I looking for?

Wing shape... (exhaling): Eye pigmentation, changes in genital architecture... Good name for a band.

(quietly): Go away!

And how do you examine their genital architecture?

Usually knock them unconscious.

What with tiny truncheons?

(chuckles) Carbon dioxide.

Science, eh?

It's amazing, isn't it?

At least I've always thought so.

Amazing.

YOUNGER DOUGLAS: Best thing about them is, they have this very short, straightforward reproductive cycle; many generations in a matter of months.

Well, they are... very sexy.

Constantly at it.

Multiple partners, drunk on rotten fruit.

(chuckling): It's like one of my sister's parties.

(chuckles, fly buzzing) And this is...

The breeding room.

Oh.

Mm.

The breeding room.

♪ ♪ (moaning softly) (glass tinkling, objects rustling) (gasping, objects clattering) (chatting indistinctly, Albie laughing) ♪ ♪ (pouring liquid) Here, this is for you.

From the minibar!

What's come over you?

I know, I'm like some oligarch.

(chuckling): Where's yours?

There's just one, I'm not insane.

You have it.

I've brushed my teeth.

Is our son joining us tonight?

I guess so.

Ask him.

He doesn't talk to me.

(traditional Chinese music playing in background) (exhales) (quietly): Put your phone down, please.

I'm reading!

"While many of Paris's "Szechuan restaurants turn down the heat "for the local palate, food here packs an intimidating punch."

Why would you want to be intimidated by your food?

I'm sorry.

I just couldn't face any more steak or cheese.

Intimidated then punched.

It's exciting, eating out of your comfort zone.

I don't see what's wrong with being comfortable.

Oh, don't be like that.

Is there a menu in English?

(sighs) No, I'm not being...

I just don't see the point in pretending that we're not tourists.

We are tourists.

We're meant to see the Eiffel Tower and the "Mona Lisa."

That's why we're here.

Douglas!

ALBIE: I'll order for you.

Fine.

Just order sensibly, please.

(indistinct chatter) DOUGLAS (mouth full): Mm, Albie, this red stuff... Tomato, I think.

It's chili, it's pure chili!

Here, try these.

Careful with the fingers.

It burns.

Well, if it burns your fingers, why would you put it in your mouth?

(quietly): Go on... Just take one.

(gasps) (laughing) I can't feel my face!

(laughing) (stammering) Bit much?

Here, take mine.

Completely numb.

(slurping): Mm!

(groans) (straining): Well, Albie...

It certainly does pack a punch.

Personally, I'd prefer food that doesn't actually injure you.

(chuckling): Douglas, you've not been injured by your soup.

(laughing) Don't use that!

Why?

It's got chili sauce on it!

Ow.

Ow... Ow... Ow... Ow... Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

(grunting): Sorry!

(grunts) ♪ ♪ (grunts) Ow!

(panting) (sighs) (chatter, laughter outside) (inhales deeply) (indistinct chatter, laughter) (laughing) ♪ ♪ (laughing) ♪ ♪ (cellphone ringing) Hello?

CONNIE (on phone): Where are you?

Oh, just walking.

It wasn't really my thing, so...

But where exactly are you?

Towards the river, I don't know.

How far now?

DOUGLAS: Hm?

CONNIE: Steps.

DOUGLAS: Oh... 10,026.

Well, stop walking.

♪ ♪ You disappeared.

DOUGLAS: Yes, I thought I'd make a French exit.

It's only a French exit if no one notices.

Did you think we wouldn't?

I just don't think I can keep this up, Connie.

No?

I can't live in the moment when the moment's so hard.

It's too confusing.

I'm sorry if I confused you.

Last night... No, no, it's all right.

I mean, I'd rather we tried than didn't.

I just... find the prospect of...

I just feel like I'm losing you both.

CONNIE: I know.

♪ ♪ YOUNGER CONNIE: Can I tell you a secret?

You might not like it.

YOUNGER DOUGLAS: Um... Can I say no?

'Fraid not.

I was gonna end it today.

Oh.

Just the usual thing-- "Lovely to meet you, lots of fun, let's stay friends."

But now I find, the men I've known before, as soon as they open their mouths, I think, "Oh, here we go, one of those."

But there's nothing familiar about you.

And you know things, you ask questions, you're so passionate about it all.

I'm sensing a "but."

It's not you, it's...

I'm not good at this.

Relationships.

Even the word makes me feel claustrophobic.

I need to know there's a way out and I don't want to get caught up in something that I can't leave without upsetting both of us.

So, if we were to... carry on, you'd need to know that was a possibility.

Am I making sense?

I think it will be worth the risk.

♪ ♪ Good.

♪ ♪ DOUGLAS: It's harder than I thought.

Going on holiday for the sake of the kid?

(chuckling): Yeah.

Especially when the kid doesn't even want to be here.

He does!

He just doesn't want to show it.

Maybe.

Maybe if there'd been four of us, perhaps it would be less fraught.

There'd be more... (sighs): Maybe.

Do you think of her?

You know I do.

I think, what'd it be like, what would we be like, if she were here?

We'll never know.

I'd still send you crazy, I'm sure.

(laughs): Probably.

Would I?

Now and then.

Come back to the hotel.

I think I might walk around a bit longer.

Oh, you've walked far enough.

Oh, I can't sleep without you.

Or with me, apparently.

No, it's a dilemma.

Oh, come back, and try.

And tomorrow... Home?

Or Amsterdam?

Well, I don't want us to go home... Amsterdam, then.

Amsterdam.

DOUGLAS: Okay, are you ready?

Let's give a Petersen family bonjour to Belgium in three, two, one... Now!

See?

Belgium.

The Benelux-- Belgium, Netherlands, Luxembourg.

So... this is Belgium.

Hello, Belgium!

(P.A.

system chimes) CONDUCTOR (over P.A.

): Mesdames and messieurs, ladies and gentlemen, in a few minutes, we will enter Belgium.

(conductor speaking French) Hm, I'm not sure that's right.

(conductor speaking German over P.A.)

♪ ♪ Albie, I've just realized, it's the Ardennes over there.

The Battle of the Ardennes, where your great-grandfather died.

Look, just here.

See?

Okay.

German counter-attack against the Allies.

Awful, terrible battle.

He's buried somewhere there.

We could have gone to the cemetery, we could have got off at Brussels and rented a car.

Hm.

Well, don't sound too keen, will you?

No, I am, it's just...

It's history, isn't it?

DOUGLAS: Well, yes.

Your family's history.

♪ ♪ It's like a school trip, except just me and two teachers.

Thank you, Albie!

I thought you'd be interested.

No, sure, it's just sort of difficult to make an emotional connection to stuff that happened so long ago.

"Emotional connection."

It's not about emotion, it's about my father's father, Albie.

(sighs) Two generations ago, we'd have been dive-bombed by Stukas by now.

Keep your voices down, please.

No one's being dive-bombed by Stukas.

Do you always have to take his side?

I'm not taking sides-- I don't even understand what you're arguing about.

He thinks I don't care enough about the war.

You don't!

I know the history.

You're making me out to be ignorant-- I'm not, I just don't think it's healthy to fixate on.

You don't think about what that's like?

To be called up for the Army, standing in the middle of a Belgian forest, dead of winter, scared half to death?

No phone to play with back then, Albie!

You okay?

Sorry, I'm fine.

I am trying.

You can't expect him to have the same interests as you because he's your son.

World War II is not passed down on the father's side.

Not the same interests: one interest, one thing, one single shared point of view or opinion.

But why?

You want to get to know him, this is what he's like.

(text sent) Ah, there you are!

I just walked all the way from Brussels.

Sorry about that.

We can go to the war cemetery if you want.

No, we've got too many other things planned.

(exhales) Do you want something from the buffet?

It's a bit early in the day for Pringles, but... Kinder Bueno?

I'm not nine, Dad.

No... very much aware of that.

(indistinct chatter) DOUGLAS: You have to be careful of the bikes, because they have right of way.

No point spending money on a cab, we'll walk, it's not far.

(bicycle bell chimes) DOUGLAS: Now, we're staying in the Grachtengordel, which is literally "the girdle of canals."

Like concentric-- nice word-- concentric horseshoes: Prinsengracht, Herengracht, and Keizersgracht.

(bicycle bell chimes) Or is it Herengracht first?

ALBIE (sighs): Look at the map.

I don't need the map.

Herengracht, then Keizersgracht, then Prinsengracht.

Oh, you know it so well.

Well, I did a conference here.

Any wild stories?

Yeah, any wild stories, Douglas?

What happens in conference stays in conference.

ALBIE and CONNIE: Ooh!

DOUGLAS: Let's just say it was a very productive exchange of ideas.

It doesn't have to be a party city, it's also a conference city, perfectly civilized place.

Are you gonna spend the whole holiday walking 12 steps ahead?

Now...

Here we are, four stars.

Best behavior, please.

(grunts) ♪ ♪ RECEPTIONIST: We have some good news here for you today, Mr. and Mrs. Petersen.

We have been able to upgrade you to the honeymoon suite!

♪ ♪ ALBIE: Dad, did you book us into a brothel?

(chuckles): It's not a brothel.

CONNIE: It does seem quite sexual.

No, it's just a nice boutique hotel.

Now, you're in "Delta of Venus," and we're in... "Dangerous Liaisons."

♪ ♪ The honeymoon suite.

Otherwise known as the "Irony Suite."

(lights humming) Oh, I'd worry about baths in the bedroom, all that steam.

Except it's not just a bath.

(bubbling) Look at those lights-- sexy!

Sexy and noisy!

Maybe later, fire this up, glass of champagne?

How do you have sex with your fingers in your ears?

What's that noise?

Your dad got us a Jacuzzi!

Dad, you dark horse.

I didn't ask for the Jacuzzi, we just look like Jacuzzi types.

CONNIE: Yeah, maybe it's for lower-back pain, it's an orthopedic thing.

Yeah, we probably won't use it.

Definitely a brothel.

Let's get some fresh air-- and some penicillin.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ (bicycle bell chimes) ♪ ♪ Nice milk!

Gets the physics of it just right, doesn't he?

Liquids in motion.

Could almost drink it.

Or is this too corny for you?

Course not.

I think I'd be quite good at art restoration.

What makes you say that?

I did that chest of drawers once.

If given a bottle of white spirit.

Nice fat paintbrush.

(chuckling) Albie seems happier, having a good time.

The trick, when having a good time, is not to draw attention to the good time.

Hmm.

And you, are you having a good time?

(chuckles) (camera clicks) He keeps missing the pictures.

Oh, shh.

You know about art and photos and stuff-- is he any good?

Will he be okay?

Oh, God, Douglas, I don't know.

He might, he might not, but it's what he's passionate about.

It's one thing being passionate about it, it's another actually earning a living.

Yes, I do know this.

He's only a kid, give him time.

(camera clicks) Is he taking a photo of his own shoe?

(chuckles): Yes.

DOUGLAS: "The Jewish Bride," it's called, though Rembrandt didn't call it that.

It's beautiful.

"One of the most touching depictions of sensual and spiritual love in all of art," it says here.

So look at it.

Well, yes, it is lovely.

He's getting a bit fresh, isn't he?

Dad!

How do they know it's their wedding day?

Well, it's not the first date, is it?

Well, they could have been married a while.

They're getting on a bit.

Maybe it's the physicality of it.

(chuckles) ♪ ♪ (Connie chuckles) CONNIE (in accent): So it's a little bit Cockney and a little bit shing-shong.

So, how did you enjoy your cheeshe toashtie?

That's very bad.

DOUGLAS: We mustn't stay here Too long.

(in accent): Again, pleashe.

We mushn't shtay here too long.

(laughs): That's amazing!

That is very good.

Well, you know... We can't go just yet.

Seriously, though, we're due at the Anne Frank House at 5:00, so if you want to see the Tulip... (knocking loudly): Hello, Petersens!

Oh, Christ!

Dad!

(giggling) Kat's here!

Well, that's a nice surprise.

You all right, Mr. P.?

Clutching away at your heart there?

Albie thought it'd be fun to leap out on you.

Albie, you trickster.

Very nice to see you, Kat.

I'm stalking you, Mr. P!

Can I call you Mr. P?

Well, no one ever has and I don't like it, but...

I said Kat could join us, just for two days.

Okay, well, that might have been nice to... Albie says you're booked into some sort of brothel.

It's not a brothel, it's a boutique hotel.

Oh!

All the more reason to check out the buffet.

Look-- big pockets, Mr. P!

But I totally get that this is a family thing, if you want it to be the three of you.

(glassware clinking) We're very happy to have you here.

Yes!

♪ ♪ (awkward chuckle) Albie says there's a strict itinerary.

Where to next, Mr. P?

Tulips or something.

Quite touristy.

DOUGLAS: Well, we are tourists, so that's what we're going to do.

And then it's the Anne Frank house, but I'm afraid I only bought three tickets, though.

I'm sure they can squeeze me in.

I don't think so, it's very small, that's the whole point.

Or I could show you the real Amsterdam.

Oh, no, no, we don't have time for the real Amsterdam, we're seeing this one.

Museums are great, but this is such a party city.

Yes, it doesn't have to be a party city.

Besides, I've pre-booked, so... Actually, Kat says there's this coffee shop she really likes, so we might do that instead, if that's okay.

When we say "coffee shop," Mr. P...

Yes, Kat, I know, you mean drugs.

There's your itinerary, of course, but you'd be totally welcome to join us.

No thanks, I don't think so.

Okay, let's do that.

KAT: Yes!

Oh, God, really?

CONNIE: Well, we've been all day in a museum.

Let's have fun together and go tomorrow.

And you, Mr. P?

I'm paranoid and anxious enough, thanks, Kat.

How do you know until you try?

Albie, you didn't invent these things.

Now, look, if we're gonna get to the Anne Frank house in time... Oh, Christ, Dad, even the Gestapo weren't this keen.

(angrily): Oh, shut up, Albie, please!

Give us a minute, would you?

I think this is an opportunity to join in and have fun.

Be fun!

What, by encouraging him to smoke drugs?

He's barely cogent half the time as it is!

Oh, Douglas!

I just want him to have a clean, sharp mind and a clear head!

He's a teenage boy in Amsterdam.

I'd be more worried if he didn't want to.

You don't have to sanction it!

"Sanction" is a bit over the top.

We'd just be there to keep an eye on him.

Oh, you're doing it for safety reasons?

You're not just playing the cool parent?

I'm not playing anything!

Isn't it more sensible to watch over them than not?

We might even have fun.

Fine.

Please stop making me out to be some sort of killjoy.

I'm just being careful.

It's not caution, it's care.

I know what it is.

Okay, you go, I'll rearrange the tickets.

No, he might want you to come.

Don't be ridiculous.

Your father is very kindly gonna rearrange the booking for tomorrow.

KAT: Oh, Mr. P, you absolute star.

Yes, well, just be sensible.

Don't eat the cookies, you can't control the dose.

I tried that once and had a massive whitey.

"Massive whitey."

You're sure you don't want to come?

No, you'll have more fun without me.

Okay.

ALBIE: Is it down here?

KAT: Yeah, bottom of the street.

CONNIE and KAT: Come on!

(Albie laughing) ♪ ♪ (distant chattering) ♪ ♪ (distant chattering) (loud dance music playing) (shouting over music): So what're you working on?

(yelling): Oh, I'm not an artist, I'm actually a biochemist!

A chemist!

(even louder): A biochemist!

I need a (no audio), do you know where the toilet...

The toilet, yeah, I thought so.

♪ ♪ (yelling): Every time I tell somebody what I do, they suddenly need to go to the toilet.

What?

It's like I'm a human diuretic!

What?

It doesn't matter.

We're going on somewhere.

I said we'd meet them.

I think I might head home.

Okay!

Shall I come?

No, you stay.

You'll have more fun without me.

What?

I said, you'll have more fun without me!

Okay.

I'll see you later.

Or you, you could contradict me.

Okay, is that why you said it, as a test?

No.

Then why don't you stay?

Oh... Douglas, if you don't tell me what's wrong, I'll just have to guess.

Why do we never go out with your friends?

We are... we are literally out with my friends!

And all those other times, all those parties?

I would love you to come out, but I don't think you'd enjoy it!

(blows raspberry): I'd spoil your fun.

You wouldn't have fun, which means I wouldn't have fun-- hey...

I come back every night to you, because I love it, the two of us.

So, you're not even the tiniest bit embarrassed?

(chuckles): To be with you?

That's ridiculous.

I'm not remotely embarrassed, I love you.

(music blaring, indistinct chatter) Well... That was a first.

Yeah, it just sort of... slipped out.

So... Do you want to go home?

Or stay and have fun?

♪ ♪ (glassware clinking) ♪ ♪ (indistinct chatter) ♪ ♪ Thanks.

(in accent): So I checked the guide book, and it turns out, it is a party city after all, and... (normal voice): I don't really want to be by on my own, so let's go wild within reason.

Um, call me or text me or... (bikes rattling) Ugh, the problem with this city is, there are too many flipping bikes.

(chuckles) Um, just let me know where you are, okay?

Oh, get off!

Hey, hey, hey!

(speaking Dutch) Sorry-- I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was your bike... (speaking Dutch) So sorry.

There are just so many bikes... Yeah, and this one is my bike!

Yeah, sorry, you speak very good English... Yeah, I speak English!

Tourist!

Um... (speaking Dutch) ♪ ♪ ALBIE (voicemail greeting): Hi, this is Albie.

I can't get to the phone right now, but leave a message and I'll text you back, or whatever.

DOUGLAS: Albie, just to say, I am very, very keen to get this party started.

So, call me, doesn't matter how late.

(cheers and laughter) DOUGLAS (on phone): Flipping bikes...

Sorry, call me, text me, let me know where you are, and I'll find you.

Your dad wants to know where we are.

I got that, too.

He's keen to get this party started.

Well, we should tell him.

Oh, he's making an effort, Albie.

I know you can see the veins pulsing in his forehead, but he's doing his best.

Fine, I'll do it.

Oh, would you?

I'd love that.

He'd love that, too.

(dance music playing) ♪ ♪ (people chattering) (music playing, people laughing) Um...

I wonder, do you have anything that might help me just relax?

(Jacuzzi bubbling) ♪ ♪ (footsteps approaching, keys jingling) YOUNGER CONNIE: Hey, don't let me wake you up.

(grumbles sleepily) Go back to sleep.

You woke me up to tell me to go back to sleep?

I thought you'd be pleased to see me.

Hmm... Open your eyes... Hmm... Open... Open...

There!

(giggles) Was the party fun?

Nah.

I'm too old for that stuff on a weekday... or a weekend.

Prefer it here.

Let's never go anywhere again.

You, too, by the way.

Me, too, what?

That thing you said earlier.

Oh, go on.

Well... You, too.

No!

What do you mean, "no"?

"You, too" is not the same, you have to say the words.

You can't make me.

(laughs): I can!

It's easy, take it one word at a time.

No!

Go on.

Start with "I"...

I... am going to sleep.

Oh, "L," make the "L" sound.

'Night.

Go on, say it!

Say it.

I love you.

♪ ♪ (door opens and shuts) CONNIE (softly): Hey!

Hey!

Don't wake up.

Go back to sleep... oof!

(giggles) Why do they have so many pillows?

(grunts, giggles) Fun?

Oh, in a teenage kind of way.

You should have been there.

We went to a club, we danced.

I thought I was too old for that stuff.

Did you get my messages?

Mm-hmm.

Albie texted you back.

Maybe, you know... Europe.

Yeah, that'll be it.

What did you get up to?

Drank alone.

Smashed up a stranger's bike, got stoned, then Jacuzzi.

(chuckles) I did miss you, both of you.

You were right, I should have come.

Maybe if I'd been more spontaneous.

I know I'm not supposed to talk about this, but, maybe if we'd done more things together, gone out more, all of us, over the years, instead of being too tired, or too busy... You asleep?

Connie?

Probably wouldn't make any difference, but I do regret not being more... light-hearted.

And I do love you.

Can I still say that?

Whatever happens, I do.

The both of you.

You're asleep.

It's okay.

Night-night.

♪ ♪ (dishes clinking) The moment I crack that egg, I will throw up.

I know, my own fault.

(background chatter) MAN: But it's the law!

You've got to take us, it's the law!

(laughter) Who talks that loudly at this time of the morning?

DOUGLAS: Oh, here he is.

Go easy, please.

Sorry, we're a little late.

DOUGLAS: No, it's fine.

It's just we're due at the Van Gogh Museum in ten minutes.

(dishes clatter, men hooting) I'll go get started.

MAN: Hey, hey, what are you going to do about this?

Thanks for letting me know where you were last night.

Albie sent a text.

Maybe it got lost.

Yeah, probably... Europe.

MAN: Well, that's no good, that's dirty.

SERVER: Here.

It's a suit.

It needs dry cleaning.

Don't be a dickhead, mate.

I beg your pardon?

I think perhaps it might be worth having a conversation about Kat.

Do we have to do this now?

I think we do.

She's a lovely, bright girl... KAT: It was an accident!

But this was meant to be our holiday.

The three of us.

(indistinct arguing) Who knows when it will happen again...

I am being very calm.

What's going on?

KAT: It's okay, just go sit down.

Stay the freak out of it, and you-- clean my suit!

(liquid splashing, people gasp) (clamoring, shouting) Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Let's all calm down... Dad, I am calm.

He's the one who started it.

I'm sure whatever... You're not listening, why don't you listen?

Because you're behaving like an idiot!

Uh, I'm sorry, everyone, I'd like to apologize for my son.

I have no idea why he's being so stupid, I'm sorry.

We, uh... Can we, uh...

Sorry.

(people chattering) KAT: Albie.

MAN: Yeah, go on, sod off out of here.

(footsteps leaving) (indistinct chatter) (sighs) DOUGLAS: Any word?

CONNIE: No!

DOUGLAS: I'm sure he'll turn up-- we'll see him at the hotel.

We must hurry, we'll be late.

How could you do that?

What?

Call our son an idiot!

I did not.

I heard you-- everyone heard you!

I meant that his behavior was idiotic and it was.

Why did you apologize?

Sorry?

To those awful men.

You said, "I'd like to apologize for our son."

Because he was throwing orange juice.

He was sticking up for Kat and he was sticking up for that poor waitress, and you acted like you were embarrassed.

I was embarrassed!

He was trying to start a fight.

You held his arms!

I did not!

I was trying to calm him down.

You should have stood up for him!

I did!

No, you said, and I quote, "I would like to apologize for my son!"

So, he's always acting as if I embarrass him!

Because he's 17 years old!

And even if he was in the wrong, when that guy went for Albie, you should've stood up for him, you should've punched him in the face!

Oh, yes, you're right!

I should have fought them all!

All three of them!

Yes!

He could have kicked the hell out of you and I would have wanted to kiss you, but you saw the suit and tie and then you apologized for your own son, when he was doing the right thing!

Fine, point taken.

Now can we get on?

No!

I can't do this journey anymore, it's unbearable.

It was your idea!

And I was wrong and you were right!

Is that what you wanted to hear?

I was wrong, wrong, wrong!

Happy now?

So why did you suggest it?

I don't know!

Maybe I thought... Maybe I thought, "He can change, "clearly he wants to, maybe we can find some spark, "some flicker of life or fun "or empathy or imagination "or passion, maybe I'll recognize "some tiny trace element of the man I fell in love with!"

That is exactly what I am trying to show you!

No, but it's gone, Douglas, it's out-- I've tried, I swear.

The reason I can't love you is: because it's you.

I'll see you when we check out.

♪ ♪ (door opens) Um, clearly, it's taking me a while to settle into the holiday rhythm.

But still, I don't think we should give up just yet.

Douglas, it's too late.

No, hear me out... No, I mean...

It's too late.

(exhales softly) ALBIE: Dear Mum, dear Dad, I appreciate the money and the effort, but I feel like the Grand Tour isn't quite working out, so I've gone.

I'm sorry if I've let you down, but I feel at the moment I can't do anything right and that's not much of a holiday for me.

I can't face going home, either, so I've decided to head off with Kat for a while.

We're not sure where, somewhere in Europe.

Please don't worry.

Like you said, I'm old enough to do what I want.

Maybe you two can carry on the Tour.

I don't know what's going on, but clearly you need some time together.

The one thing I do ask is, please don't try and get in touch.

I won't answer-- just give me time to think and work things out.

I might stay with Kat, I might not.

I'll be back in touch when the time is right.

Ah, buongiorno, my name is Mr. Petersen.

We have a reservation at your hotel, but our plans have changed.

ALBIE: Mum, don't worry.

And Dad, I'm sorry if I disappoint you.

See you whenever.

Albie.

(phone buzzes and chimes) ♪ ♪ (turnstile beeps) (P.A.

chiming) He's probably on a train somewhere.

Or making plans with friends.

He's got a little of money, he can always busk.

That doesn't reassure me.

Look, we should wait on the platform.

Let's keep going.

We'll worry just as well in Munich as at home.

Maybe he'll come back and we'll finish the Tour.

No, it was a mistake, let's get back and get on with it.

Going home, I don't think I could bear it.

Well, what's your plan, then?

Will the two of us just keep getting on trains, roaming round Europe and avoiding the truth for the rest of our lives?

I think I'd prefer that.

And when the money runs out?

I don't know.

We could busk.

What do we tell people?

Neighbors, people at work?

We're back three weeks early.

We don't even have any photographs.

No one wants to see our photographs.

They might notice our son is missing.

I don't know, Douglas, tell them the truth.

(cell phone ringing) 0039-- it's Italy.

He can't be in Italy yet.

Hello?

RECEPTIONIST (over phone): Buongiorno, Mr. Petersen.

Hotel San Bibiana.

DOUGLAS (to Connie): Hotel confirmation.

I'll tell them-- uh, sì?

We spoke a moment ago.

About the reservation.

I don't think so.

About the possibility of moving it forward.

♪ ♪ (phone rings) Ooh!

CONNIE (on phone): No, it's fine, I'll carry all the luggage myself.

Connie, I know where Albie is.

What?

That phone call was from our hotel in Venice, about moving the reservation.

CONNIE: Okay, so?

But I didn't call the hotel.

So it must have been Albie.

He's on his way to Venice.

So I'm gonna go and find him.

You're not, the train's about to leave.

DOUGLAS: Not to Munich, I've still got the ticket.

I get in at dawn, I get the train to Italy, I'll be there at 10:00.

CONNIE: But he doesn't want to see you!

He doesn't now, but he will do.

And clearly, we can't leave things as they stand.

But even if you find him, even if he is in Venice, Douglas... Any mistakes I've made, I'm gonna put them right and I'm gonna bring him back home.

CONNIE: But think about it, it isn't practical.

DOUGLAS: I've got my passport, money.

I've got everything I need.

Just don't let on I'm coming.

I want it to be a surprise.

Oh, oh, well, it will be a surprise.

What am I supposed to tell everyone?

I suppose tell them the truth.

I'm looking for our son.

(indistinct chatter) (glass clinking) YOUNGER DOUGLAS: A moment of quiet, please, because I'd like to pass you on to my wife.

(cheers and applause) Now, what can I say about Douglas Petersen?

Well, the first thing to say is that ever since I met him, he's been a constant source of support and inspiration and love and jokes, too.

Often terrible jokes.

(laughter) But he makes me laugh.

And there's no one else I'd rather be with.

Except perhaps this person here!

(chuckles): Why am I saying "person"?

It's a girl.

(cheers and applause) Are you happy now?

It's a girl!

And I can't wait for it to be the three of us, because I know he is gonna be an exceptional father, too.

♪ ♪ So please raise your glasses to... my husband.

(cheers) ("Always" by Erasure playing) ♪ Open your eyes, I see ♪ ♪ Your eyes are open ♪ Hello, husband.

Hello, wife.

Feel any different?

Not particularly.

Trapped, confined, jaded?

Looking for a way out?

Mmm, sore feet, that's all.

Hm.

Still, early days.

♪ Hold on to the night ♪ ♪ There will be no shame ♪ ♪ Always I want to be with you ♪ ♪ And make-believe with you and live in harmony, harmony ♪ (keys jingling) (dog barking in distance) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Grazie.

RECEPTIONIST: You requested room 14.

That's the one, yes.

And room 15, also.

For my son, yes, when he comes.

I will get someone to help you with the luggage.

(bell rings) (bell stops) I have no luggage.

You must have luggage.

No.

My journey's spontaneous.

Is there somewhere nearby for the immediate purchase of clothes, shoes, underwear?

Certainly.

Hello.

Hi.

I can show you.

I have a map-- here.

You have no luggage, but you have a map.

It's a long story.

Would you like to, um... Oh.

My key stopped working, room nine.

Thank you.

(typing) You're welcome.

Grazie.

Just let me know if my son turns up.

If he phones again, tell him to come now.

But don't tell him that I'm here, too.

It's a surprise.

(whispers): And if Miss Petersen arrives?

Oh, she had to return to England.

She wasn't feeling well.

(footsteps) (dog barking in distance) (birds chirping) (bells tolling) YOUNGER DOUGLAS: So we're here, near the Arsenale.

And we are going to walk this way to the Accademia bridge, then head east along the Grand Canal.

You can't draw on a map!

It's a betrayal of everything you believe in.

Well, I'm glad you've brought that up, Connie, because... this is a very special, deluxe, laminated wipeable map.

God help me.

See?

By what strange witchcraft... Too many of your possessions are wipeable.

DOUGLAS: Uh... Oh, does it not come off?

("Cessate Omai, Cessate" by Vivaldi playing) ♪ ♪ ♪ Ah ♪ ♪ Ch'infelice sempre ♪ ♪ Me vuol Dorilla ingrata ♪ ♪ Ah sempre più spietata ♪ ♪ Ah sempre più spietata ♪ ♪ M'a stringe a lagrimar ♪ (singing continues) ♪ Ah, spietata ♪ ♪ A lagrimar ♪ (piece ends, chatter in background) (phone ringing and vibrating) (inhales) DOUGLAS (over phone): Hello, Connie?

Have you found him?

No, no, not yet.

I just wanted to say I'd arrived safely, in case you were interested.

(sighs): It'd be nice to be in Venice.

Really?

Because yesterday you said the idea was unbearable.

I just mean... Oh, let's not do that.

How is it there?

Well, it's very quiet.

I've decided to go into hiding from the neighbors.

I'm eating weird things from the back of the freezer.

Are you having more fun without me there?

Oh, I see, you do want to do that.

No one holding you back, or suffocating you.

No limits, no restrictions.

Is that why you called?

No.

No, I'm just very tired.

Well, go to bed.

We'll talk tomorrow.

But tell me, were you, were you always looking for a way out?

Was that what the marriage was for you, just 20 years of waiting to jump?

No... DOUGLAS: I know I'm not the most, what is it, emotionally intelligent, but it never seemed like that to me.

Because it wasn't.

So when did that start?

I can't provide a date and time.

Was it being a parent?

Did we, did I... do something wrong?

Things change.

Look, we're tired, you're angry.

Let's not talk about this now.

I hope you find him.

(Younger Connie sighs) DOUGLAS: We should get back.

Can you walk?

Do you think we're gonna be any good at it?

What?

Being parents.

I don't see why not.

(scoffs): Frankly, when you see some of the idiots that get away with it...

Exactly.

How hard can it be?

I think we're going to be all right.

Strict, but fair.

Except not at all strict.

Well, a little strict.

Sometimes.

♪ ♪ YOUNGER CONNIE: Douglas... Douglas?

(Douglas grunts) Can you feel that?

It's happening.

(breathing deeply) My waters have broken.

No, it can't be, it's too soon.

Can we agree, in this situation, at least, that I might be right?

Here!

I know, it's too soon.

No, it's not too soon, it's just a little bit early.

It's fine.

Okay.

I have a folder here, it has all the information, there's a birth plan, the letters, and scans.

There's a CD of relaxing music in there.

(exhaling): Oh, fricking, fricking hell!

She's at 34 weeks, but she's having contractions... Oh, here comes another one!

...every seven minutes.

That's every seven minutes.

Douglas, Douglas, bloody hell!

♪ ♪ CONNIE: Did I swear at you?

DOUGLAS: You did.

(chuckles) A lot.

So much for that CD.

Yeah, that was a waste of time.

I think even the midwives were taken aback.

Don't take it personally.

(cooing) She's so tiny.

You were excited to come out, weren't you?

CONNIE: Yeah, she wanted to get on with things.

Get started.

(baby cooing) ♪ ♪ (bells pealing) (indistinct chatter) Another early bird.

Do you mind if I... No, of course.

I'm sorry, miles away.

(sighs): Cake or cheese?

Italian food is marvelous, but I can't help thinking they've never quite mastered breakfast.

(chuckling) (indistinct chatter) Well, look at that.

That's quite a map you've got there.

(loudly and slowly): Well, if ever a city demanded a good map, it is Venice.

(chuckles): You heart Venice.

Hm?

You heart Venice.

I'm sorry, I don't know what that... Oh, this.

It's all I could find yesterday.

It is awful, isn't it?

No.

So, have you been here before?

20 years ago.

Ah, it must have changed a great deal in that time.

(chuckles) Excuse me?

All the new developments.

The skyscrapers.

Oh, I see, yes.

Back then, it was not even flooded.

May I say something?

You don't have to talk like that.

I will understand if you just speak normally.

I'm sorry, of course.

Your English is beautiful.

Well, I must go...

So, did you have... No, sorry, you were saying?

I've just got a lot of ground to cover.

Ah.

So... Bye-bye.

(printer whirring) Thank you, I appreciate it.

Uh, and if you see him here... We will call you.

But make sure you don't... Tell him you are here.

It's a surprise.

I understand.

Thank you.

(Bach's "Cello Suite No.1" playing) (playing suite) Scusi, I'm looking for this person... ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ FREJA: It's quite normal to get lost here.

In fact, you're meant to.

Ah, hello.

I'm Freja.

I'm Douglas.

It's-- I'm not actually lost.

It's a very long story.

So imagine you've got two mice in a maze wandering around separately, random, left and right, and it's not a regular maze, it's got narrow alleys and dead ends and wide spaces, and it's big, proportionally big, as well, Venice, and you want the mice to meet.

Now, is it better for one of the mice to sit still in the hope that the other passes by?

Or for both to wander at random?

I think it would be best to wander, but not at random.

Exactly!

Random is never random anyway.

Cities are like supermarkets or art galleries, and there's a natural route.

You don't go down the back alley that smells of wee, you go past the bakery that smells of fresh bread.

That's true.

And so does everyone else, and you follow the herd.

Now, it takes about 90 minutes to do the most popular circuit.

So if I go round and round... All day?

About six or seven times, I stand a chance of finding the other mouse.

Or, one mouse could phone the other and arrange to meet.

Unfortunately, that's not an option.

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry.

Oh, it's fine.

The whole thing's so eccentric.

The more I think about it, the more impossible it seems.

Except I bumped into you.

You did.

Are you here with anyone?

Me?

No, by myself.

Just sightseeing, celebrating my divorce.

I'm sorry.

No, it was best for both of us, it's... Ah, that's the cliché, isn't it?

Your wife?

Oh, she had to return early, family reasons.

Well, I should carry on.

Yes, I am off to the Accademia, so... Can I get this?

No, my treat.

Good luck with your quest.

Well, thank you.

No time to lose.

Excuse me?

(speaking indistinctly) ♪ ♪ (speaking indistinctly) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ CONNIE (over phone): I've sent emails, I've sent texts.

"Please call, we're not angry.

"We just need to know you're okay.

Just send a word or two for our peace of mind."

It's almost as if he deliberately wants me to feel bad.

I know, imagine.

Nothing on his Facebook page, either.

I thought he kept you out of that.

"Albie2001."

What's that?

His password-- I'm his mother.

Ugh, it looks like my feet have exploded inside my shoes.

Connie, you're not letting the dog sit on the sofa, are you?

Of course not.

He'll get into the habit.

What's the hotel like?

(scoffs): I didn't want to tell you.

It's the one we went to on our honeymoon.

Yeah, I remember.

Very gloomy, all that old furniture.

Even the towels are the same.

Same cake for breakfast?

Cake or cheese.

(chuckles) What a stupid idea that was.

Sentimental, I suppose.

It's okay to come home.

He's definitely here, Connie.

Oh, how do you know?

I can feel it.

Well, that's because you want it.

What's that called, confirmation bias?

Do you think I've gone mad?

Yeah, a little bit mad.

I think you might be right.

Not sure if it's a nervous breakdown or a midlife crisis, or an intriguing cocktail of the two.

Well...

I miss you.

You, too.

DOUGLAS: You've got to face the truth-- anyone can paint, Albie, anyone can take a photograph.

The whole world is a photographer now.

And the environment you're going into, the work environment... Well, I just want you to be a success.

Well, Mum thinks I can be a success!

My teacher says... Well, of course Mike says that, he doesn't have to pay the fees!

The problem with telling people they can do whatever they want is that it isn't true!

Wanting something doesn't work!

Life has limits, it just does!

Oh, Christ...

Success comes to people who work hard at things that are difficult!

And I want you to be a success.

Like you?

Would that be so bad?

DOUGLAS: The future is frightening, Albie, it is so frightening, and I want you to have skills that will help you survive, and coloring in, taking your snaps, it's not gonna do it.

So basically I should be scared?

Albie... Base everything I do on fear because I have no talent?

I just think it's a mistake to believe that you're special.

(breath trembling) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ DOUGLAS: I was there!

I walked past there six times yesterday!

(speaking Italian) No...

He says you have a beautiful wife.

Didn't you get my message?

He's gone, Douglas.

No!

My bag is on the train!

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ANNOUNCER: Go to our website, listen to our podcast, watch video, and more.

To order this program, visit ShopPBS.

"Masterpiece" is available with PBS Passport and on Amazon Prime Video.

♪ ♪